I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Acid is not a monday night drug
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
