If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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