It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am midnight drunk by noon
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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