fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
