mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just invented taco cereal.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
