Plan B is the new Plan A
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This is classic penis vs brain.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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