So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
