You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's shark week go big or go home
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
