I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
