you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
