I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
