It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize