she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
