Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
