If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
