All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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