I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
