Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You have to summon your inner elephant
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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