when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
