captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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