Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
