We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
