she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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