Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Operation Purity has been aborted
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
