Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
