bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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