I murdered the dance floor call the cops
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
