He uses pillows to masturbate.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
