1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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