she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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