a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
