Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
