her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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