I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
