we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
