Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize