Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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