Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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