Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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