Me. At least after what I've been through.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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