I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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