I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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