I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
