Will you blow on my dice?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
