You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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