I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
