you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize