Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
