I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
