I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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