it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
