I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
