I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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