but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
