im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
