i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
BRING THE BAGELS
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Please don't give away my fajitas
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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