No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
