This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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