She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
