my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize