Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
