its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
