Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
