even my farts smell like vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize