How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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