you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
