so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
