Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
