you traded sex for a burrito?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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