Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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