its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
