So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
