I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
