When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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