you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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