We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
