It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
