So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
