Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
