i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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