For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
