I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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