im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
