I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
