I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
