i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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