How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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