Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
