How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
