They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize
