I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize