Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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