I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
