as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
