just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish you could order shots online.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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