I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
