I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
